officialunitedstates:

I think there should be follower drafts like war drafting except everyone follows me or they go to jail


dasfreefree:

i couldn’t make this up even if i tried

dasfreefree:

i couldn’t make this up even if i tried

(via iamthewizard)


forsmithsandgiggles:

lewdmangabey:

maybe i’m a goddamn bleeding heart hippie liberal but i’m totally down with paying an extra .50 cents for a thing of fries if the person who makes me those fries doesn’t have to work 3 jobs just to survive.

most studies show that prices would only have to go up by 1 to 3 cents in order to raise employee wages significantly

or, you know, the ceo’s could take pay cuts but that would be so hard for the poor multimillionaires

(via punkukulele)


(via ernbarassing)


(via ernbarassing)


heartlessdivine:

whiskey-neat:

My friend just rigged it so she and her friends could play Mario Kart on the side of a house for someone’s birthday.

Now the whole neighborhood can watch as a friendship is blown away by a blue turtle shell

heartlessdivine:

whiskey-neat:

My friend just rigged it so she and her friends could play Mario Kart on the side of a house for someone’s birthday.

Now the whole neighborhood can watch as a friendship is blown away by a blue turtle shell

(via iamthewizard)


mattressblowoutsale:

Adult things arent NEARLY as complex as I thought they were growing up I just walked into bank of america and said im here to open a checking account and they said ok and opened me a checking account

(via mermecha)


snapchatting:

what’s the difference between a lawyer and a mango? lots of things! i love to make jokes

(via handjob)


vesley:

alpacabacon:

Like I’ve never gotten a sunburn in my life.

image

how about now

(via retiredjesus)


allthestarsonyourceiling:

Last night I went to Starbucks and when the guy finished my drink, he bent down and wispered, “Don’t let anyone dull your sparkle.” I just smiled and took my drink, and while I was leaving I heard the other worker saying: “WOULD YOU STOP TELLING PEOPLE THAT, NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR INSPERATIONAL SHIT!” and the guy responded with, “Gurl, there is no way in hell I am letting you dull my sparkle.” 

Oh my god. 

(via ticktock-timelord)